A way to put those years of therapy, which had taught her that the easiest way to heal was to forgive, to the test."Wow, thanks," responded the now-stranger."No problem," she replied. The man who, according to Ani, was a pathological liar and master manipulator; who left her depressed, anxious, and bedridden for months; and whose name she could barely speak since their breakup in 2004.
But apparently not his gravitational pull or her need to know why. I was just very curious," Ani says of the encounter.
"I didn't have expectations, except maybe a hope of getting a better understanding."Most people wouldn't comprehend that seemingly desperate and pathetic hope, especially when it's to understand someone who has hurt another human being so badly.
In other words, women engage in as much emotionally abusive behavior as men, but the systematic use of emotional abuse to control another person is usually the domain of men, simply because it is easier to control someone with fear than shame.
A typical defense against shame is to tune out the person provoking it.
An emotionally abusive man controls his partner by manipulating her fear of harm, isolation, and deprivation; he threatens or implies that he might hurt her, leave her, or keep her apart from the things she loves.